SELF-PUBLISHED BOOKS

About ten years ago there was a book signing at the local bookstore (which, unfortunately, shuttered its doors not long after). As I stood at the table, I read the blurb on the book, enjoyed speaking with the author, and plunked down twenty-some dollars for the hardcover.

As soon as I got home I settled in for what I thought would be a good read. The first page had a few spelling and grammatical errors. I plowed on. It was a memoir, but definitely not of the Frank McCourt caliber. By the time I reached the fifth page, I threw the book out, not even wanting to loan it to someone passing by. I had looked at the publisher on the spine of the book, did an online search and found out it was a print-on-demand where if the writer wished, he or she could pay several hundred dollars for the manuscript to be edited. Obviously, this person felt her words and life story were golden. Even then I’m sure the “publisher” would have printed out many copies for the author to buy from them and resell.

Now there are many self-published books out there, either as hard copy or ebooks. My estimate is that about 10% are worth the money. When I look at the sample pages, I am seeing too many punctuation errors. One novella that I recently perused, the first page was riddled with them. I am also seeing poor sentence structure and spelling errors. It’s a shame because these books seem interesting and would be great reads if only the authors would either verse themselves in correct grammar and punctuation and sentence structure, and/or get someone who is either a teacher or established writer to read it before hitting the “publish now” button.

Naming Nor’easters? Really? How…Cute

Growing up as a clamdigger (that’s someone born and raised along the New Jersey coast—long before it became the “Jersey Shore”), we were able to sense a storm coming without the help of weather people. The ocean became ornery, our mothers got headaches not due to us, and  the seagulls left their gourmet food that the sea provided and decided that maybe humans were right in loving their morning donuts, thus they descended en masse on parking lots, searching for Boston Cream crumbs. Our fathers seemed hurried (or maybe it was our mothers spurring them into action) as they cleaned gutters and put up storm windows. Babies fussed more than normal. Then the wind kicked up, the rains or snow came, and we hunkered down, as always prepared with non-perishable food (still can’t figure out why people run to stores for milk and eggs).

So now the powers-that-be probably sat around a large conference table last week and pondered how else they can stir humans up into a frenzy. 24/7 reporting weeks before a storm was good but getting old. Live videos of weather forecasters on beaches or hotel balconies, holding onto their caps and last shreds of dignity, was better even, but how could they grab us by the belt and continue this intensive news reporting long after the disaster claimed  furniture, photos, and unfortunately, lives.

In their infinite wisdom they came up with naming nor’easters. If hurricanes could be named, why not winter storms? Athena is the first. A beautiful name that I so wish wasn’t attached to a storm that came so close on the heels of Hurricane Sandy’s destruction. We were just breathing a sigh of relief that we were slowly getting power back when the weather people excitedly showed us swirling clouds heading our way. And they proudly announced her name.

I wonder how many new parents-to-be will be naming their baby girls Sandy or Athena or (and if they’re not sure which storm the baby was conceived during) Sandy Athena.

Stay tuned.

When Sandy Came To Stay

About nine days ago, the sky darkened, the wind whipped some dead leaves into the windows, and the rain drenched our now-defunct vegetable garden (which could have used the drenching this summer).The lights  snapped off. Silence reigned inside as the refrigerator, furnace, and hot water heater went into a deep sleep. Outside was another matter. A storm called Sandy came to visit and stay awhile. She forced the amusements on the boardwalks to become quiet and shuttered.

I was prepared. Or I thought I was. As a native clamdigger, I had weathered many tropical storms, summer storms, and nor’easters. I knew to put a cooler outside with bags of ice for refrigerated foods. I stocked up on instant pudding (tastes like glue, but it uses up the milk), filled freezer bags of filtered water ahead of time, and of course made sure my cell and netbook were fully charged, and had plenty of batteries in all sizes. Piece of cake.

Wrong. This superstorm Sandy decided to make herself known in such a way that no one within hundreds of miles of my hometown on the Jersey Shore would ever, ever forget her. For the first two days, my family of four was okay. Still some heat remained in the house, we feasted on food–though cold–that had to be eaten, read everything and anything, and listened to the radio. I found myself staring at it, like people did before television, as if maybe a hologram would appear.

Trees crashed, sand now blew at our screens (the leaves were already somewhere out west), and we pulled on our hoodies, actually using the hoods and tying them tight.

Thankfully our basement remained dry and no tree settled on our couch. By the third day, it became apparent that living without cell phones (which s-l-o-w-l-y died and couldn’t be resurrected without using up precious gas from our cars), computers, television, heat, hot food (never again will we get an electric stove), and hot water, was like torture. I was becoming desperate for just a mouthful of hot coffee.

By the sixth day, taking a shower meant holding your breath, ducking your head under a spray of icy cold pellets, sponge bathing, and reusing damp towels. We were still talking to each other, which is a miracle. I started counting our blessings: warm clothes, police who let us out of town to get that bit of hot coffee at a local store running on a generator, and any smile or bit of mirth from said family. And no ifs, ands, or buts, we would not desert our home. We were strong!

By the ninth day, though, I begged God for deliverance from a house registering fifty degrees fahrenheit. I finally recharged my cell in the car and deliriously called any hotel within the United States. Granted California was a little far, but still…. Anyway, there was no room at any inn, whether it was the Dew Drop or the five star Don’t Even Bother Us inns.

As we sat huddled under blankets and ear warmers under our hoods, chattering incoherently, there was a flash in the sky. Then a flash in our house. The flash in our house stayed on. We rubbed our eyes. Lights! The furnace rumbled to life. I sat by the heating vent, warming my hands and face. Then I happily went from room to room, turning lights on and off, just because I could.

I write the above in a lighthearted way, yet this storm was devastating. We were lucky. No flooding in the basement and no damage from our oak trees that now looked like skeletons. We made it though a storm named Sandy and her aftermath and we are okay. Unfortunately, that can’t be said for many people in our area. Please keep them in your thoughts, and if you pray, do that for them too.

Thank you!

Warning! Warning!

Bleary-eyed, I turned on my computer this morning. Cool ocean breezes had me put on a sweatshirt over my jammies. The sun was rising and all was well.

Until the weather icon blinked repeatedly, showing red. I peered out the window, expecting dark clouds forming somewhere in the steadily lightening blue sky. No clouds. Huh. I clicked on the weather icon and the message read, “Severe weather alert!” Maybe I’m dreaming, I thought, pinching my arm. Nope. That hurt. I was awake. I read on. “High rip current risk.” It stated details of the wave heights and how everyone should be careful when entering the ocean. Okay, nice warning, but…. That’s not severe weather. It’s not even “weather.”

The sounds of birds and crickets are outside competing with each other, the sun is now high in the eastern sky, and that slight breeze is cooling. Later I’ll go down to the beach and watch the surfers enjoying the “severe weather.”

The sun will be warming the sand and all will be fine.

Sitting Down For Cancer

Before anyone gets upset with me, I will state: two out of four members of my household have had cancer. My husband was dx’d with stage 3 colon cancer ten years ago, and more recently, low grade bladder cancer. My son–only 27–was recently dx’d with stage 2b testicular cancer and after surgery had to have radiation.

I hate cancer. But I won’t stand up to it. I’d rather not even acknowledge it. I feel like it’s invading our lives, making itself at home, becoming a monster that is hard to tame. I have sat in waiting rooms of oncologists and saw patients looking scared, resigned, sad. Not one of them had the strength–whether emotional or physical–to “stand up to cancer.” Neither did their loved ones who usually accompanied them.

Perhaps when all is said and done, I  will stand up to this horrific insidious thing, and with my stormy personality, wield the virtual sword to help slay this debilitating disease.

But right now, all I can do is a version of watchful wait.

And hold their hands and pray.

GHOST MAGNET

It’s beach time! Even if it’s winter where you live, you can still dream of the beach. And whether you’re 11 or 97, my e-book, Ghost Magnet, is a fun read, and only $1.99. You can buy it right now at B&N for your Nook, or Amazon for your Kindle, or Smashwords for your laptop.

Here’s a little bit about the book:

Thirteen-year-old Julie Janner desperately wants to spend summer hanging out with her friends. Instead, her mom takes her to an island straight out of the Twilight Zone, on a vacation that turns out to be like riding a roller coaster through a haunted fun house. The locals are just a little unfriendly (“Go home. Now.”), weird voices call out in the night, broken dolls appear and disappear, and the one family who befriends them–the Tylers–are not quite what they seem to be.